Fake Pockets: A How To
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This is not a drill. This is as real as it gets.
it always really bothered me when wait staff ignored me + my friends just because we were young bc we are all really respectful people but the assumption was that we wouldn’t tip
anyway so fast fowards to when i became a waitress and one day this group of scrubbyass kids came in and i had 8 other tables with other people to look to but i overheard that one kid wanted a milkshake but he couldn’t afford it and the other kids offered to pay but he was like “nonono it’s fine” and i looked over and he just looked real run down and sad and stuff —- later it just so happened that our kitchen had a mixup so we had an extra shake and since it would just be dumped otherwise, i snuck it out to their table and gave it to him for free
and his friends were so fucking impressed by this they pooled every fucking cent they had i got a $50 tip and later his friend’s mom came in and said “i heard what you did for that boy” and gave me another 20 and offered me a better job working with her
and meanwhile at my other table a rich white guy i was serving complained bc he didn’t want to pay the 15% tip on a $8.90 bill and when his wife said “she’s been a good waitress, though,” he said, “but just plain good isn’t worth 15%”
artists that sound better live are the most dangerous
my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.
i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed
this post is one of my best by a landslide
every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up
ah but when you turn 34 you’re two dancing queens and thus having twice the time of your life. and at 51 you become the dancing triumvirate and three golden crowns are forged in your honor
lots to look forward to